Inquire within...

You know those signs in store windows? The ones that read


Whenever I see them, I think of my sister who thought for a long time that "inquire within" meant the applicant should really do some soul searching & inquire within themselves whether they were up to the task. I LOVE that interpretation.

Well, I'd like to put a sign up in my window and see if I get any takers. {Whenever I read a historical novel where a household had a whole cadre of help to make sure everything functioned smoothly, I have to admit I have a pang of jealousy. I don't want to return to the age of such social stratification and exploitation. But there's something about the team approach that appeals to me. } Something like this:

Desperately seeking house staff. Inquire within:

~One painter who will patiently redo this bedroom:

Includes removing many hundreds of square feet of wallpaper, working with strange angles and dormers, and figuring out how to cover up pre-existing tree mural that looks to be drawn with crayon (and, based on experience, bleeds through primer and paint coats). Remember Eldon on Murphy Brown, who basically worked daily in her home and became a trusted friend and honorary family member? That would be nice, as long as pay isn't an issue for you. Carpentry skills would be highly preferred, since you may also go on to construct built-in bookcases, window seats, and Carl Larsson-style built-in beds. You may also be asked to babysit, unless the following position is filled:

Mary Poppins-like mother's helper: Or Alice from the Brady Bunch, take your pick. Self-explanatory, this one. Important in case I decide to become a suffragette (a la Mrs. Banks in Poppins) or do whatever it was that Carol Brady was up to (maybe golfing with Mike Brady?).

Recipe consultant: I'm perfectly willing to cook dinner for my sometimes picky crew--sometimes I even reach enjoyment level!--but for the love of spatulas, I have a tough time coming up with things to cook. Just tell me what to make and I'll do it! (Need not apply if you only do tacos and pastas...I have those covered on every other day of the week.)

Here's the big one: Decision consultant. Can't seem to decide much these days. Must be willing to advise on issues large and small: Should I change my hair? What color should I paint the bedroom? Should I quit my doctoral program in favor of more time at home and ( I dare?) more writing? What games should we plan for Maddy's movie madness party on Friday (10 twelve-year-old girls)? Patience and good nature important, previous experience not necessary. In the event the position is not filled, may be outsourced to a Magic 8 ball. And no one wants that.


What would you like to outsource in your life?